My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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