summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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