my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
this hospital has no fireball
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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