NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
