My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
