He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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