? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
