Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
