Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
