Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
