3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
These tits shall not be calmed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
