Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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