Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
