Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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