i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
