I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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