im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
