I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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