that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
im six kinds of drunk right now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
