and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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