i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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