question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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