fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
