i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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