Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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