well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
