Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
