I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
