ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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