I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
