Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
