He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
