matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
