walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
