As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
