I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
