so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
