That's intense
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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