My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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