and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
