Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
