I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
