I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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