I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
