He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
