im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
