Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
