Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
