I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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