my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Your dad touched me again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
