And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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