that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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