I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
