that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think i have herpe
just one?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
