I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were destined to go to rehab together
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
