she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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