somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
