Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
