why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
pray to the hookup gods
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
