If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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