just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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