Jerry, you need to find god
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
