did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
