Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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