dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
