I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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