is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
