Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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