I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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