worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
