captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
