i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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