wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
