I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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