My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
