you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize