Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
