i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
