This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am available for nakedness
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
