That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
