i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
