my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
