someone get that fucking seahorse.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
