I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
